Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
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