it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
