he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
