So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
