The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
