We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Randomize
