Don't you send me to vm
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Randomize