The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
