omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
high people should be assigned attendants
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
