i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Randomize
