Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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