nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
