every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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