i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
