he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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