It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
