We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
