god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Randomize
