My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
