The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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