What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
