My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
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