It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Randomize
