Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
