I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
