i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
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I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
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She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
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