I am spending my child support on dildos
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
this just has baby written all over it
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Randomize
