It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize