WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
