im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
