I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Randomize
