ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
He passed out mid-signature
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Randomize
