Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
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I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
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His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
dude. I can hear the air.
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