Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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