hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
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