Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
