ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
