youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I have feelings that need drinking.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Randomize
