Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Every concussion has its silver lining
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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