i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Randomize
