Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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