i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
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