I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Randomize
