3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
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