I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Randomize
