great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
