I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
