You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
