you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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