I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
A bitchslap is in order.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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