Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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