also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
