Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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