so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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