Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
