I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
