R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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