Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
