Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
