Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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