new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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