I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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