i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
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Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
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I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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