I'm gonna have a badass scar
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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