Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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