I wish I could teleport
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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