I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
