dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
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i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
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Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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